4 things to do when a colleague works with your boss behind your back

4 things to do when a colleague works with your boss behind your back4 things to do when a colleague works with your boss behind your backAfter finding out that your coworker has deliberately left you out of a decision-making process and worked with your boss without your knowledge,a loomingfeeling sets in.Well beyond themillennial social media concept of FOMO(Fear Of Missing Out), this makes you feel like you are no longer a valued member of your team at work - and maybe even like your days there might be numbered.This could be especially hard if its happened to you on multiple occasions.Heres how to manage the situation.Remember all of your big contributions to the teamDont forget what youve already done. When someone completely removes you from a crucial process or decision, it can be easy to doubt yourself. You might even wallow in self doubt, thinking that it was only a matter of time until people at your job found out that youre not as talented or knowledgeable as you appear.W hen you begin to question your value, write down the work accomplishments youre most proud of for a confidence boost.Gather informationAmy Gallo,author of the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict at Workand Harvard geschftsleben Review contributing editor, shared advice from author Caroline Webb in the publicationIf you dont know all the facts of the situation perhaps you just heard about the conversation through the office rumor mill try to find out what really happened. You might go to your boss and ask in a neutral way about what transpired Hey, I heard you and Carlos were talking about his new idea. Take care to maintain a casual, non-accusatory tone so that your boss doesnt think youre trying to abflug a feud.Try using this line on the colleague leaving you out of the loopAlison Green, author of the Ask a Manager blog, offers advise in QuickBaseWith a coworker who keeps going over your head, you might say Im the person managing X and Id appreciate you bringing concerns about it to me to resolve. If were not able to reach a resolution and you feel the issue is important enough to escalate, you of course can do that. But Id like you to start with me first so that I have a chance to hear your concern. Can you do that? Let your boss step inSara McCord, a former staff writer for The Muse, wrote in the publication that your final option when someone does something like demand totalk to your supervisor instead of you is to be a tattletale.She says that if addressing the person about it directly on your own doesnt solve the situation, you should tell your supervisor whats going on, and that they can have a conversation with the personIf its an external stakeholder, your boss may have a variety of ways she can smooth things over. She can chime in that shed love to take over, but as she is terribly busy, she wont be able to get to this persons urgent requests for several weeks. She can say that youve only said the most wonderful things about this other person and s hes so glad to hear that things are moving along as swimmingly as she had hoped. Or, she can say that shed love to help, but as you are the expert, shell be consulting with you prior to each and every conversation because yours is the most valuable feedback of all.